


Hold

by Maia_Nebula



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Sherlock's POV, Short & Dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 15:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maia_Nebula/pseuds/Maia_Nebula
Summary: I wonder if I'll ever rock you to sleep again. But now that you are nestled in my arms, still warm, why can't I ask you? Something holds me back... And I hold on to you...





	Hold

I wonder if I'll ever rock you to sleep again. But now that you are nestled in my arms, still warm, why can't I ask you? Something holds me back... And I hold on to you...

Bits of the day come to mind, but I can't really say I remember anything in particular. The breeze made my face sting, my nose was cold, your hands heated mine... Or am I still a captive in this cold cell, even if all that's been taken is my heart?

Because he did burn me, just as he promised he would that time.

The room is quiet. My mind is running: will I ever have you this close to me again? Will I ever again feel your body against mine, so trusting, so delicate, so fragile? With your head against my chest, listening to my fluttering heartbeats, although my heart has long left its place and placed itself in your hands?

And all I have left now is to hold on to you, to not break down, to not die. 

I close my eyes and breath in deeply, swallowing the knot forming in my throat. My wrists feel torn and my back's on fire but (as you well know from flat-sharing) I can't always tell my dreams from real life... Yet the more I doubt, the more I reach out to you, the more your existence proves itself to be true. 

I know, for a fact, that I'm not dreaming... I might be hallucinating, yes, but all I know is that I'm with you.

And I'm glad I feel numb, because knowing this would otherwise be extremely painful. Why did I hold myself back when it's so obvious now that you felt the same way all along? Was I then as frozen inside as I feel now? 

But the past won't do. All that matters now is that I'm cradling you in my arms. 

And the strange kind of comfort your closeness gives me makes me wonder... Will I ever rock you to sleep again? Because you're dead, though I'm holding you for the first time...

And, entirely broken, though my eyes meet your empty gaze, I smile...


End file.
